you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
