Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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