Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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