she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
