RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
