I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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