you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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