me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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