I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
