the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
