cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
