Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
