What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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