so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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