I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
