Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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