it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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