i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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