The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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