I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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