he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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