I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
