I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
