as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
