i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
