if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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