Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
need another drink. this is the easiest way
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
