Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
