the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
All the doctor said was why
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
