i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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