i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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