I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
