i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
