ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
