some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
