You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
