The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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