...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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