M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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