I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
