He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
