i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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