I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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