she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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