I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Randomize