Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
