Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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