So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
