I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
