Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
