hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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