He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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