I think I won the penis lottery.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize