When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I still have a little drunk in my system
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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