Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
