apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
