If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
