I faked an abortion last night.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Are we still banned from the library?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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