I puked a lego.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
