By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
