I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
