I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
